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Understanding Rumination: A Path to Healing for Women

  • Writer: Nompilo Zibanayi
    Nompilo Zibanayi
  • Jul 8
  • 3 min read

Updated: Sep 3

It’s the end of the day. You’ve settled into bed, ready for sleep, but your brain has other plans. Suddenly, you're replaying every awkward moment. You wonder if you said too much or beat yourself up over things you didn’t do.


Before you know it, it’s two hours later. You're wide awake and emotionally drained. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is a classic case of rumination — a type of overthinking that keeps your nervous system on high alert even when the danger is long gone.


What Is Rumination?


The word rumination comes from how animals, like cows, chew their cud — bringing up partially digested food and chewing it again. Not a pretty picture, but honestly, that’s what our minds do sometimes: we rehash and re-chew our emotional pain.


In psychology, rumination is the mental habit of dwelling on distress. It involves spinning in circles around what went wrong, what might go wrong, and why you feel so bad. But here’s an important truth that often gets overlooked:


“Rumination isn’t all bad.” – Sameet M. Kumar, The Mindful Path Through Worry and Rumination

Kumar reminds us that rumination gives us something deeply human: the ability to revisit our past. Sometimes that’s painful, but sometimes it’s powerful. He explains there are two sides to rumination:


  • Positive Reflective Pondering: Thinking with curiosity, insight, or meaning-making. This type of reflection can support healing and growth.

  • Negative Brooding: Stewing in guilt, fear, or shame without resolution. This is the kind that leads to emotional spiraling and feeling stuck.


So the goal isn't to eliminate reflection; it’s to notice when reflection becomes brooding and gently steer your mind back to presence.


Why We Overthink (Especially at Night)


Overthinking is often a survival response. It’s your brain trying to keep you safe by scanning for potential threats. It can show up as:


  • Mentally replaying conversations

  • Obsessing over “what ifs”

  • Getting stuck in indecision

  • Planning for every possible outcome


If you’ve experienced trauma or rejection, or grew up with pressure to always “get it right,” your brain likely learned: If I stay alert, I’ll avoid getting hurt. At its core, overthinking gives us a false sense of control. We often think, "If I analyze every detail, I won’t get blindsided," or "If I prepare for everything, I’ll finally feel safe."


The truth is, control doesn't equal peace. In fact, the more we overthink, the more anxious and disconnected we often feel. Here’s what actually helps when your mind won’t stop spinning:


1. Name the Pattern


Simply say, “I’m overthinking right now.” Naming it creates space. It helps you step outside the spiral instead of being swept away by it.


2. Come Back to Your Body


Overthinking is a mental loop, and grounding allows you to externalize your mental efforts and help stop the cycle. Try one of these:


  • Deep belly breaths

  • Hold something warm (like tea) or cold (like an ice pack)

  • Gentle movement: stretch, pace, sway


3. Practice “Good Enough” Thinking


All-or-nothing thoughts feed anxiety. Instead of thinking, “What if I fail?” try, “Whatever happens, I’ll handle it one step at a time.”


4. Get Curious, Not Critical


Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of underneath this thought?” Often, it’s a deeper fear — like rejection, failure, or not being enough — that drives the loop. Naming that can be a powerful shift.


How Therapy Can Help


Overthinking isn’t a personality flaw; it’s often a sign your nervous system is working overtime. In therapy, we gently explore:


  • The roots of your anxiety

  • The deeper fears underneath your patterns

  • Tools to ground, soothe, and reconnect with peace


You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Your thoughts don’t have to run the show. If you’re tired of spinning your wheels in your mind, you’re not broken — you’re just overwhelmed. Let’s work together to help you feel more anchored and calm.


Virtual Therapy for Women in Washington State


If you live in Washington State, I offer virtual therapy for women ready to go from anxious to anchored.


📩 Ready to begin?



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